


Uncontrollable Destiny

by Small-Wonders (always_a_queen)



Category: V (2009)
Genre: F/M, Minor Character Death, Non-Graphic Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-01
Updated: 2010-12-01
Packaged: 2018-03-18 04:48:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3556616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/always_a_queen/pseuds/Small-Wonders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-Season One. While Anna attempts to break Joshua, Lisa decides to do everything she can to save his life - even if it means losing her own in the process.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. PART I: No Looking Back

**Author's Note:**

> I'm finally biting the bullet and dragging some older fics from ff.net over onto AO3. They have not been edited in any way.  
> This was written immediately after the season one finale and only incorporates elements from the second season.

Grief, Lisa learned, was doubtlessly the hardest of all human emotions to control.

Even as she stood in her mother's vacated chambers, the thick emotion pressed down against her chest, tight and horrible. One small tear managed to escape and the tiny droplet caught on her first finger as she wiped the moisture away quickly, lest her mother return sooner than expected.

The soft, white glow of Anna's bliss curled around her, strong and peaceful, but it could not – no, it  _would_  not - touch her if she continued to resist it. The temptation to simply close her eyes and vanish back into the numbness, the uncomplicated peace and belonging that came with absolute surrender, was overwhelming, and it nearly undid her as she stood silently next to the massive window. Below her, Central Park was tinted a hue of red that was simultaneously glorious and terrible, gorgeous and haunting. Above her, the sky held a slightly darker shade, bloody and beautiful against the twinkling stars and cloud-shadowed moon.

Sleep, Lisa had already decided, would likely not come this night. The mothership was a bustle of activity. So many plans, detailed and sensitive, had been thrown into chaos by her mother's momentary foray into the world of emotions. So many plans now needed to be altered, so many timelines needed to be sped up or changed.

Heavenly numbness filled the room, and Lisa could hear the soothing tone of her mother's voice. " _No looming fate_ …" The V's needed her peace, they needed their fears assuaged tonight of all nights. Tonight, when the blood red sky smoldered above and the fires of rioting earthlings burned below.

Lisa found no such peace. She would allow herself no such peace.

She'd chosen what side she was on, and nothing, not hell nor high-water, would tear her away from that conviction.

The glow of bliss slowly faded away. When Anna at last returned to her chambers, it was to find Lisa and Marcus both standing at rapt attention. Marcus, at least, wore a firm frown on his lips. To say that he practically radiated displeasure was an understatement.

For quite a while, Anna and Marcus discussed numerous affairs – none of which had anything to do with Lisa. She was just about to wonder if perhaps she should leave the room, when she heard her mother ask, "And Joshua? You were able to revive him?"

Lisa's eyes snapped to Marcus. Her heartbeat sped up. Was it possible?

"That is correct," Marcus affirmed. A short nod accompanied his words. "He was badly injured, but he should be ready for interrogation in a few days. Perhaps less."

"Excellent," Anna turned to Lisa with a serene, almost eerie smile on her face. "I want Lisa to handle his interrogation."

If it was at all physically possible for Marcus to look surprised, Lisa was certain he would have. As it was, the very fact that it took him a full five seconds to formulate a response to Anna's directive spoke volumes. "My queen…" he hesitated and Anna's eyes narrowed. "Are you certain that is a wise course of action?"

"Joshua has known Lisa her whole life. They grew up together. If he is indeed feeling human emotion, it may be that she can use that connection to her advantage. Besides, she has been doing an excellent job with Tyler."

"Fooling a human teenager and deceiving one of us are two very different things," Marcus said politely.

"I want to do it," Lisa interrupted, feeling sorely underrepresented in the conversation. "I can do it. It will be harder than Tyler but…I can make Joshua believe that I have feelings for him too." She looked her mother in the eye. "I can do this, Mother."

Anna smirked at Marcus, as if to say, 'There, I told you so'. "I have no doubt, Lisa, that you will not fail me. Make him believe that you are a secret supporter of the Fifth Column. Ask him who the other members are so they can help you plan his escape."

Lisa managed to nod despite the tightness in her throat.

As it turned out, Joshua was not completely ready for any form of interrogation for at least three days. This was fortunate for Lisa, who spent the majority of those three days 'hanging out' with Tyler and explaining to Erica that Joshua wasn't quite as dead as she had believed after all. Erica was relieved, and although Lisa didn't tell her that she had been assigned by Anna to bring Joshua back over to their side, it still felt like a huge burden had been lifted off of her very small shoulders.

Tyler, however, was a concern. He was still falling rather easily into her mother's clutches, while Lisa often wished that she had an excuse to spend more time with  _his_  mother. Something about Erica Evens set her at ease, even when nothing else in the world was going right. On the third night, Erica invited her to stay for dinner. Father Jack – Lisa didn't completely understand the title, since she had met Tyler's father, and the man was far too young to be Erica's father, although the woman consistently addressed him as such – stopped by and joined them. Never had Lisa enjoyed herself more, despite the nagging reminder that she would see Joshua the next day and it would almost assuredly not be a good meeting.

Anna had insisted that one of her specialists work on Joshua before Lisa began to sway him back to their side. Even though the words 'specialist' and 'work' were spoken carelessly, Lisa translated them to their actual meanings: tormentor and torture, respectively. Lisa forced herself to watch. She couldn't bring herself to look away, even when Joshua's cries grew louder and his body twisted in pain. Lisa was grateful that though the interrogation room was monitored, the observation room wasn't scrutinized at all. There were moments, few and far between, that Lisa was hard-pressed to keep an abject lack of emotion from displaying on her face.

As it happened, when Lisa finally was ushered into the small, dark room where her friend was being kept, the former doctor was bloody, bruised, and looked like Erica had shot him a few minutes ago – rather than a few days. Lisa had been able to gather up the courage to ask her mother to turn off the monitoring devices, and Anna had carelessly granted the request, so although Lisa knew that she had a certain amount of freedom, she also knew that her mother would be suspicious if she came back empty handed after every visit.

She'd changed from her Peace Ambassador's uniform into a plain, formfitting silver dress that fell to her ankles and something about the attire made her look less like an innocent girl, and more like the daughter of a brutal dictator. Naturally, that was the intent.

"Leave," she commanded Anna's specialists immediately, a sharp wave of her hand carrying the instruction to a further level of authority. The two V's exited the room without question or comment. Almost subconsciously, Lisa glanced upwards. The domed ceiling loomed above her.

Human nervousness nearly undid her, but she tightened her hands into fists and focused on the task set before her. Joshua lay on a silver table in the center of the room, eyes closed, and expression pained. Blood had stopped flowing, but bruises had collected along his chest – ugly, black and red abrasions that made Lisa wish she had access to more medical supplies. Sadly, her mother was far too drunk on vengeance to even think of any form of leniency and had refused Lisa's request to gain Joshua's trust by easing his discomfort.

Apprehensively, Lisa reached out to touch him, even though she was almost loath to bring him back into consciousness. "Joshua."

He said something, but it was indecipherable. Lisa carefully lifted a thin tube of liquid and pressed it to his lips. Joshua coughed as he attempted to swallow, but the next time he spoke she could understand her name. "My mother sent me to tend to you," she murmured, pressing a cool compress to a particularly nasty gash on his forehead. There were plenty of chemical torture methods that didn't leave evidence behind, but for whatever reason – perhaps it was the result of those nasty human emotions – Anna had decided to stick to a more traditional method.

"She doesn't know?" Joshua asked softly. "About you?"

"She doesn't know." Lisa confirmed.

"Good," He kept his eyes closed. "She won't ever know."

"You can't stay quiet forever," Lisa argued softly. "Everybody breaks."

"I know," Joshua's eyes snapped open and he started to sit up. Lisa pressed her palm to his chest to keep him from rising, but even in his mutilated state he still could overpower her. She watched him scan their surroundings, eyes lingering on a tray of silver instruments used in his torture. "You have to kill me."

Lisa's eyes widened of their own accord, and she took an involuntary step backwards. "No."

"Lisa," he grimaced. "If you don't…I'll break eventually, you said so yourself. If I do, then they'll know about you." He stretched out a bloodstained hand towards her. "They  _can't_  know about you, do you hear me? I will suffer anything,  _anything_  – even death by your hand – to keep that from happening." He almost looked as if he was about to touch her, his fingers hovered over her cheek, but he let his arm fall back to his side. Still, earnest devotion burned in his eyes.

And with that, Lisa lost the last remnant of whatever control she still possessed. Every carefully guarded emotion of the last few days spilled free and manifested in real, shimmery tears that streamed down her cheeks. She inhaled several shuddering breathes and pressed trembling fingers over her lips to keep the sobs rising inside her chest at bay.

Joshua sighed and almost smiled at her reaction. Actually it ended up looking more like a grimace than a smile. "I'm sorry," he whispered gently, softening a bit. "It hurts. I know."

"We can get you out," she cried, shoving away from him and pacing back and forth. "Fifth Column on the ground can hide you; Erica's already said that—"

"It will not do any good; it will only expose you." Joshua argued, spotting a syringe on the table among the other instruments. "I think that syringe is filled with a compound that slowly decomposes the nervous system, if I were to receive an abnormally large dosage—"

"No!" It was Lisa's turn to interrupt. She had no idea where this passion inside was coming from, but the cry was instinctive and flew from her lips before she had time to contemplate speaking. It was as if a hurricane churned inside her, a dreadful, violent storm that stomped out all thoughts of logic, all care for her own well-being. "I won't let you. We'll get you out some other way. My mother turned Ryan. Maybe there's some way we can make her believe I turned you."

"Lisa." There was something about the way he said her name this time, as if her frantic words were a last ditch effort in futility. "There is enough in that syringe to make it look as if I overdosed. No suspicion would be cast on you."

"And what would happen to me if I were to accidentally kill you? Do you really believe that my mother would simply brush it off as an accident?"

"You're not a medic, Lisa; it would be easy for you to make a simple mistake."

"Just," hesitation hung in her voice, and Lisa blinked in surprise at the uncertainty she felt. "Just…give me time. A day. That's all I'm asking. Give me one day, 24 hours, and after that I…" Her voice wavered, and she looked down, unsure about the rampant emotions flooding her senses. "I will do what you want. I give you my word."

Joshua nodded. "That is acceptable."

So numerous were the emotions that muddled Lisa's thoughts, that she was uncertain whether she felt relief, joy, or sadness at his agreement. When Joshua looked at her again, she saw that all the fiery determination had vanished and been replaced with some emotion that she couldn't quite describe, all she knew was that it was similar to the look Erica constantly gave Tyler when he talked about the Live-Aboard Program.

Worry.

There was something about the expression that unnerved her, but at that moment, Marcus' familiar voice rang through the ship's communications system, informing her in a direct, no-nonsense fashion that she was needed in her mother's conference chambers - immediately.

Lisa opened her mouth to say something to Joshua, but then thought better of it. Instead, she brushed her fingers against the back of his hand before she turned and exited the room.

A surprise visit from Tyler was the reason behind the request for her presence, and a sharp look from Anna told Lisa that if she wanted to stay on the High Commander's good side, she'd better go along with whatever Tyler wanted.

Truthfully, if Lisa had been given the chance to take some time to think things through better, she might have realized why Joshua agreed to her plan so easily. However, Tyler was such a sudden distraction and pretending to be happy and in-love with him while her thoughts kept drifting back towards someone else, who was doubtlessly in a great deal of pain, kept her busy trying to keep her focus on Tyler – and only Tyler.

Therefore, when a very young Assistant Medic knocked on her door in the middle of the night, telling her that her mother had requested her presence, Lisa was at a loss to explain why – until she was ushered into a small medical room. Immediately, she realized that she had left Joshua – in his cell, yes, but otherwise unmonitored and unrestrained – in such haste that she had given little thought to the fact that a syringe full of a potentially lethal compound was still easily accessible.

Lisa stood in stunned, horrified silence as she watched the posse of Medics scurrying around, trying to resuscitate her friend. Marcus, looking as stiff and unfeeling as ever, marched around the medical team and forcibly grabbed her arm, spinning her around and dragging her into the adjoining observation room.

Anna seemed positively livid, and Lisa noted that her hands were at her side – her fingers were clenched into fists.

"Marcus, leave." The High Commander ordered firmly, not even bothering to acknowledge his presence by turning towards him.

"But, My Queen—" Marcus began to protest, but Anna cut him off. "Now."

The moment Marcus was gone, Anna turned on her daughter with a fiery anger. "How could you be so foolish?" she screamed, lashing out viciously and striking Lisa across the cheek. Lisa's flesh burned, but she didn't fall. Instead, she stood her ground, clenching her jaw and looking her mother right in the eyes. "It was unintentional; it will not happen again."

Anna still looked angry, but she seemed somewhat appeased by her daughter's words.

"Will…" Lisa hesitated for a second, a deadly hesitation that could have cost her life had Anna not been otherwise distracted. "Will he recover?"

"My Medics are hopeful that will be the outcome." Anna's temper seemed to have cooled slightly and she walked steadily towards the window overlooking the Medical Bay. "He believes that you are Fifth Column?"

"Yes." Lisa answered. "I told him that I started feeling human emotion after spending time with Tyler. I told him that I didn't want anything bad to happen to him. I told him if he told me the names of his fellow Fifth Column members, I would contact them, and we could figure out a way to get him off of the mothership."

"And?" Anna questioned.

"I believe he  _wants_  to believe me." Lisa answered.

Anna appeared pensive. "Logic is interfering. We need to take away logic."

"How?" The question escaped before Lisa could stop it.

Slowly, Anna turned to face her. "We prove it to him."

 


	2. PART II: Looming Fate

Joshua was locked up in the Medical Bay for the next twelve hours. Lisa stayed by him, partially out of guilt, partially out of concern. When the room was empty, she managed to gather enough courage to hold his hand in hers, gently caressing the bruised, swollen skin. He didn't wake up, but she was loath to leave his side all the same. Concern was an unfamiliar emotion, but a strong, bitter one all the same.

For the next few days, Lisa was left in the dark as to what her mother's words – her intent to  _prove_  to Joshua that Lisa was Fifth Column – meant. Her time away from Joshua was consumed with Tyler as she attempted to maneuver her way into his life and heart, pushing him towards Anna while simultaneously attempting to hold him back. It was confusing and heart-wrenching, and all the conflicting emotions fought and struggled within her – huge waves threatening to breach an already breaking dam.

On the fourth day after Joshua's suicide attempt, three of Anna's guards burst into Lisa's sleeping quarters in the middle of the night. She rose and went with them without a word or comment. She did not fight or struggle, but regardless, they manhandled her through the ship to Joshua's cell. They waited for several seconds before the doors opened seemingly of their own accord.

Joshua was barricaded in one corner of the room, a bright blue and white shield keeping him quarantined in the selected area. He circled his cage anxiously. Anna smiled wickedly as her guards threw Lisa down on the floor. She couldn't look up, couldn't see Joshua's face, knowing that this was all another one of Anna's well-planned tricks – but also aware that for Joshua it was a trick that was all too real.

"Look what I found, Joshua," Anna taunted. "Another piece of Fifth Column scum."

A signal Lisa couldn't detect silently ordered the V's to deliver several sharp kicks to her abdomen, and she groaned, trying to evade the fortified tips of their boots.

"She's not Fifth Column," Joshua protested as Lisa was hauled to her feet, strong arms holding her in place even though she barely struggled. "I would know."

"Human emotions are such tricky things. Empathy, for one, has been one of humanities greatest weaknesses," Anna traced Lisa's jaw with her cold fingers. Lisa turned her head away from her mother, repulsed. The broad-shouldered V's snapped her wrists into silver cuffs designed to keep her immobile, pressing her back against the wall behind her. This time, she thrashed about and fought freely, grinding out threats and protests through clenched teeth.

"Is there a point to this, Anna?" Joshua said, and Lisa noted the intentional use of her name – instead of the more respectful "My Queen". The thought occurred to her that Anna wasn't his queen anymore – because he'd declared that Lisa was – but it was quickly washed away by a torrent of pain as Anna aimed a low-tech V weapon at Lisa's midsection and pulled the trigger. A bolt of Blue Energy slammed into Lisa's chest and she screamed, fighting against the binders pinning her to the wall.

"The point, Joshua," Anna smiled sadistically, "Is that even  _if_  Lisa isn't Fifth Column, which I happen to know isn't true, you won't be able to stand there and watch me hurt her. Empathy: humanity's greatest weakness."

Joshua said nothing, and Anna sent another shock in Lisa's direction. Her back arched as her body shuddered in pain. Every breath felt like inhaling fire, and her eyes watered as she squeezed her eyelids shut.

"What do you want?" Joshua almost growled.

"I want to know who your fellow Fifth Column members are?" Anna answered.

"I won't tell you."

Anna swung around, slamming the heel of her fist into Lisa's nose. Bones crunched and blood flowed. "How about now?"

If Anna had been hanging on by a thread after the whole Fifth-Column-Blew-Up-Her-Eggs-Shebang, it appeared that thread was slowly fraying until only a tiny sliver of material was keeping her sanity in line. She pressed the device directly against Lisa's human skin – making it exponentially more painful – but did not pull the trigger.

"Who?" she snarled.

"They're all dead," he answered. "All of them. I'm the only one left"

Anna's head tipped to the side as she studied him. "I don't believe you." Pain seared through Lisa's leg and she cried out.

"It's true." Lisa saw Joshua's jaw clench, but no emotion was betrayed in his eyes.

Anna looked infuriated. "Hurt her until he talks," she barked at the two V's standing sentry at the doors.

Fear tightened around Lisa's chest, a vice grip that threatened to choke the life out of her. Pain blurred together. They broke her legs – for the second time in a very short human month – leaving her dangling by her already raw and bleeding wrists. Then they transitioned into a chemical form of physical torture: using normally inert compounds in high dosages to create painful separations between her human and V skin, causing large, oozing blisters to form on her arms, legs and torso.

An indeterminable amount of time later they un-cuffed her; her battered body fell to the floor in a crumpled heap. In the background she could hear Joshua protesting, begging them to stop. But it slowly faded away as she drifted out of painful awareness and into blissful blackness.

* * *

When Lisa finally waded through the fog and woke up, her head was throbbing painfully and one eye – her left – was swollen shut. Joshua knelt beside her, having apparently been released from the blue containment unit.

"Don't try to move," he coached softly. "You could injure yourself."

Lisa wanted to say something akin to 'at this point, not likely', but the only thing she could do was moan quietly.

"Lisa, how did they find out?" He swore while carefully inspecting the swelling around her eyes. She winced at the slightest pressure of his fingers and tried to turn her head away. "Doesn't matter how," she whimpered.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, "But you have to stop trying to move. Your external skin is badly damaged, possibly irreparable—"

"Joshua," Lisa croaked, "Would you stop being a Medic for just…" She was interrupted by a fierce coughing fit. Blood collected around her lips.

"Your may have punctured a lung," he informed her. Grimacing, Joshua looked as if he wished he could take back that last statement. "Again, I apologize, I'm afraid I'm not helping very much."

Lisa's vision was blurry, but she could clearly make out the fear evident in the crease of Joshua's eyebrows and the downward pull of his lips. Even his clinical terms and the lack of emotion in his diagnosis told her that she was in pretty bad shape. The realization that Anna was willing to gamble her life on the off-chance that Joshua would break in hopes of saving her struck Lisa full force. Knowing her mother, she was certain that Anna would be happy to sit by and watch her offspring die if it meant achieving a larger goal: turning Joshua and allowing him to help her wreak havoc on the members of Fifth Column.

"Won't stop," Lisa managed to slip the words through trembling lips. "'till you break or I'm dead."

"I could give her a list of incorrect names," Joshua suggested, though even the way he said it told Lisa he held little hope of the ruse actually working. "It might convince her to heal you."

"She'd find out and just start over." Lisa pointed out. Her breathing was becoming more and more labored and she knew Joshua noticed. Being a trained medic, Lisa assumed that he couldn't  _not_  notice.

"Lisa, without medical attention…" He let the statement trail away unfinished, but Lisa could complete his train of thought in her head. Without medical attention, in a few hours, she would either bleed out or suffocate. Either way, she was dead.

"I know." She felt hot and cold all at once. Tiny bumps prickled her skin, and sweat dripped from her forehead. Alright, maybe the timeline was actually a lot less than a few hours. "But you can't tell her."

"It doesn't matter. She knows you're Fifth Column anyway. Even if I give in, you're as still as good as dead, and the Resistance is without its most promising advantage in years."

"Anonymity?" Lisa queried.

She thought she caught a hint of a smile, something so real and human and genuine that it made the tightness in her chest feel even tighter. "You," he answered.

Numbly, she stretched out her hand towards him, not caring about tissue damage or bone fractures, but simply needing some contact, some comfort. Joshua took careful hold of her arm and slowly lowered it back against her side, but he kept his hands against her skin, carefully skimming his fingertips across the back of her hand, steering clear of the larger cuts and bruises.

"I wish…" He sounded defeated, nothing like the strong, brave Joshua she knew. Lisa heard him sigh. "I wish I could do something."

Lisa didn't have the strength to answer. She didn't even have the strength to keep her one eye open any longer. It slid shut, and she felt herself falling into darkness once again.

She was pulled back into consciousness by the sound of Joshua shouting, and the heavy thumps of something – possibly his fists – banging against the strong walls of the containment cell. Her pain-muddled mind couldn't process what he was saying, but it did register the sound of the cell door opening, and the artificially soothing tones of her mother's voice speaking to Joshua.

And then Lisa felt the Bliss. Swimming, floating around her. White light, glowing and peaceful. As always, it looked - but did not touch. She kept her eyes closed, kept herself in the darkness.

Anna's voice filled the room, that calming, peaceful monotone that once assured Lisa that all was well, that all would always be well.

" _You are not alone._

_You will never be alone._

_No pain._

_No heartache._

_No human emotion._

_Just peace,_

_My peace."_

 

* * *

 

Lisa awoke in the Medical Quarters, completely healed. No residual bruises, no headache. No pain when she breathed. No pain at all.

"You're awake."

Lisa turned at the sound of the familiar voice. A trio of Visitor's entered the medical room, Anna followed by Marcus and another V whose face Lisa couldn't see.

"You've done well, daughter," Anna looked far more than pleased, she looked exuberant, and it only took Lisa a few more seconds to realize why. When she did, it felt as if some part of her spirit shriveled up and died. The third V –  _Joshua_  – stepped around Marcus and began checking Lisa's vital signs on various holograms.

"She's stable, all external wounds have healed, but there is still a great deal of internal damage. I wouldn't allow her to stand, walk or perform any remotely exerting tasks for another few hours until that's had time to heal." Joshua pressed a cool hand to her forehead and glanced over at Anna. "Her external and internal temperatures are stabilizing as well."

"Good. Your team has done an excellent job." Anna offered a dispassionate wave as a means of dismissal. After responding with a silent nod, Joshua ducked out of the room. "And you, Lisa, have preformed admirably. Tyler has been asking about you, but I told him that you were indisposed for the day. He wants to see you tomorrow; he mentioned something about a 'Ferris Wheel' and some strange concoction called 'cotton candy'."

"I am relieved to know that this task is over." Even though 'relieved' didn't cover the half of it, Lisa forced herself to seem as unemotional as her mother.

With an eerie, unnerving expression on her normally impartial face, Anna gave Lisa two quick pats on her shoulder before she left to attend to what Lisa could only assume were considered more important affairs.

Joshua returned to check on her sometime after the High Commander left, fussing with the circular nodes on her temples, her collarbone and on her shoulders. Lisa watched him carefully, terrified of what she might discover. There was only one logical reason she could think of that he would be back working with Anna, and just the thought alone was terrible. If Anna had turned him the same way she had turned Ryan (Lisa hadn't actually  _seen_  Ryan yet, but her mother must have had a large measure of success with him if she was willing to try the same thing with Joshua) then he could easily out her as a member of Fifth Column.

Her head spun with this revelation. If that was the case, then why was she here now? Why hadn't she been left to die in a holding cell like any other turncoat?

Except…Joshua already believed that Anna  _knew_  Lisa was Fifth Column. It was possible, therefore, that he hadn't told his High Commander under some misguided assumption that Anna already  _possessed_  that little morsel of intelligence. If  _that_  was the case, he likely believed that Lisa had either never been Fifth Column, or that Anna had turned her the same way she had turned him.

It was a perplexing puzzle, but since at the moment it appeared that the bizarre scenario was actually what had happened, Lisa wasn't about to pursue it.

"The painkillers I gave you earlier will be wearing off very soon, so I'm going to sedate you," Joshua informed her blankly. "Repairing the last of the internal damage is going to cause some discomfort, and it will be easier for both of us if you're unconscious."

"Alright," Lisa didn't think she had much of a choice, she just hoped that when she woke again, it  _wouldn't_ be in a dark cell.

"Just…attempt to relax," Joshua coached her. He pressed the tip of an injection module to her upper shoulder. Lisa bit her lip at the sharp sting but attempted to follow his advice and calm down.

Those few hours of mostly peaceful drug-induced rest ended up being the only time Lisa was fully at ease during her short stay in the Medical Center. Joshua was gone when she opened her eyes again, replaced by a secondary team that essentially told her to get dressed and get out of their way.

Lisa was happy to oblige, though she hesitated before putting on her clothes. She would have much preferred to dress in some of her human-style garments, rather than her Peace Ambassador's uniform, especially since she knew about the nifty little eavesdropping device sewn onto the jacket's breast pocket.

Instead of heading straight for the shuttles, Lisa fled to her quarters to change into something that wasn't bugged and would help her blend in with the rest of the humans.

It was early evening by the time she set foot on earth, tightening her jacket around her shoulders to shield her body from the cool breeze whipping through the trees and down the boulevard. Lisa hailed a cab – if hanging out with Tyler had taught her one thing, it was the surefire way to gain the attention of the yellow vehicle's driver – and gave the cabby the Evan's address.

Due to the fact that Tyler's bike was absent from the driveway, she was forced to assume that he wasn't home – a fact Lisa was grateful for, since she wasn't exactly looking forward to explaining her unexpected presence to her boyfriend.

Erica answered the door only a few seconds after Lisa first raised her fist to knock. "Lisa!" she seemed surprised, but not unpleasantly so. "Come inside."

Mrs. Evans ushered her into the kitchen, pouring her a strong, steaming cup of tea before even asking her if she wanted anything. "Are you alright? Tyler says he hasn't seen you for a few days."

"I've…been preoccupied," she stirred the hot liquid with a silver spoon. "With Joshua."

"How's he holding up?" Erica asked, immediately concerned. "I've been talking to Jack and Hobbes, but Ryan's AWOL and they've been concerned."

"I know where Ryan is," Lisa cut in. "Anna has him."

Erica swore. "Do you know where? It's doubtful that we could mount a rescue, but we could at least try."

Lisa looked down at the floor. She knew what needed to be said, but she really, really didn't want to say it. Erica reached over to cover her hand gently. "Lisa? What's wrong, honey?"

"Anna…" Lisa licked her lips. "She turned them. Both of them. Bliss – it's strong. It's  _really_  strong. I didn't think she could do it, but she did…somehow."

"Lisa…" Erica was using that voice again, that motherly tone, so like Anna and yet so unlike Anna. Anna's voice held overconfidence and arrogance, infinite knowledge and serene superiority. Erica spoke with a desire to help, a gentle plea for more knowledge; so that even though everything wasn't alright, Lisa knew that she cared enough to do everything in her power to help fix it. "I need you to slow down. Are you in danger? Does Anna know you are Fifth Column? Did Joshua or Ryan tell her?"

Lisa shook her head and explained the logic behind Joshua's silence. (As for Ryan, he had never known which side she had chosen, so there was no worry of him turning her in.)

"You're safe," Erica concluded.

"For now," Lisa supplied.

Silence reigned for a long moment.

"Do I want to know how she broke Joshua?" Erica asked finally, almost hesitantly.

Again, Lisa's eyes found the floor.

"Lisa?"

"She used me. That's how she broke him. She used his friendship with me."

"Oh, Lisa…" Without any further preamble, Erica moved around the kitchen's center island and took the now-trembling girl in her arms, giving her a tender, motherly hug. "I'm so sorry. Did she hurt you?"

Lisa couldn't bring herself to speak, but Erica seemed to understand what the answer was all the same.

 


	3. Part III: Not Alone

It didn't take Erica long to transition from caring friend to the concerned leader of an underground resistance. As soon as they moved to the living room and Lisa sat down on the couch, Erica began calmly grilling her. What  _exactly_ had Joshua told Anna? Had he exposed Erica and the others? Were they in danger? What  _exactly_  had Anna done to Joshua? She'd used Bliss somehow, but Erica didn't understand how.

Forcing herself to remain calm, Lisa began answering one question at a time. As far as she knew, the facts were these: Joshua had told Anna everything. He'd exposed every Fifth Column member he'd ever heard the name of. Those on the ship had likely been terminated while Lisa was unconscious. As far as those on the ground were concerned – mainly Kyle Hobbes, Erica Evans and Jack Landry – Lisa could only assume now that her mother knew about them, Anna would rather manipulate them than murder them.

Regarding  _how_  and  _why_  Joshua had betrayed them, the latter was relatively obvious, and the former was unclear to Lisa at the moment. She knew whatever he'd done; he'd done it to save her life. All she could assume was once he realized Anna was not about to blink in her game of chicken, he surrendered to save her. Maybe accepting the bliss again was a condition of that surrender. Maybe he was so guilt-ridden by his betrayal that he'd begged for it. Maybe Anna had  _wanted_  him to beg. Lisa didn't know, though she spoke all of the possibilities that had been running through her head aloud in the hopes that Erica might be able to make sense of them.

Finally – once Erica realized that though she and her friends had been placed in a more compromising position, there was no immediate danger – the tough questions ground to a halt. They sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Alright," the firmness in Erica's tone had subsided, replaced now with worry and uneasy curiosity, "I understand why Joshua betrayed us – he wanted to save your life and seeing as you may very well become Queen one day, if I understand everything right, I can identify with his reasons – but here's what I don't get: why would Anna use Bliss? I thought it was a gift – something good."

"It is. At least, that's what I've been taught all my life…but now I see things differently. I  _think_ …I think that she used it to purge him of all his human emotion. My mother…" Lisa struggled to find the right words for a minute, "…Tyler once used the word 'brainwashed' and maybe that's the closest I can get to describing what Bliss is and what it does."

It felt like a poor explanation at best, so Lisa continued. "Right now, he's numb. He cares about nothing; he loves nothing. His loyalty is directed toward Anna. Whatever she says, he'll do without question – even if that means killing himself or killing me."

"What can we do?" Erica asked. "He started feeling human emotions before, will he start feeling them again?"

She sighed sadly. "I don't know. But I'll do everything I can."

Mrs. Evens nodded. "I know you will."

* * *

Lisa slept on the Evan's couch that night, and spent the entirety of the following day with Tyler at the local county fair he dragged her to with his father. She got a little ill from the cotton candy, but enjoyed the Ferris wheel immensely.

Weeks trickled by. Much of Lisa's time was spent off of the ship with Tyler. After much deliberation, Anna determined that slow and steady did win the race and that since she and Tyler's mother were 'growing close,' it was alright for Lisa to take her time with Tyler. 'Growing close' seemed to be code for: "she's a member of Fifth Column; I want you to back off so we don't freak her out." Either way, Lisa felt sweet relief over the brief respite from her duties, though it left her with an agonizing amount of time to do nothing more than "twiddling her thumbs".

As for Joshua, Lisa barely saw him. It was not by her choosing, nor was it out of any attempt to avoid the Medic. He was merely preoccupied. According to Anna, Ryan's baby – a half-breed between V and human, something Lisa hadn't even been aware was possible – was taking up the majority of his time. Evidently, keeping the "little mutt" – as Anna had taken to calling it – alive was almost more trouble than it was worth.

Lisa's avoidance of Joshua ended when she had the unfortunate luck to experience a fainting spell in her mother's chambers. One minute she was standing, listening to her mother discuss some arbitrary detail, and the next she was on the floor, staring up at Joshua's face. Anna had uncharacteristically panicked, and since Joshua was in the immediate vicinity, he had been called upon to make sure that Lisa hadn't contacted anything serious. She hadn't, but Anna still insisted that he take her to the healing center, where he spent a good three hours examining her to ensure that she hadn't caught a virus non-lethal for humans but fatal for the V's.

It was then Lisa learned that a suspected tactic of the Fifth Column's splinter cells was the creation of a virus designed to kill V's and V's alone. The thought should have scared her more than it did, but Lisa figured that she was already frightened enough from the staggering pressure of everything else that was going on. Between loving Tyler, losing Joshua and sorting through the numerous human emotions percolating under her skin, Lisa was surprised that she had lasted so long as it was.

However, the endless tests did nothing to give Lisa any peace of mind. Up until then, she hadn't realized just how human the Joshua-of-before had become. Now that all of the human emotion had been effectively purged, she began to realize that so many of his actions had been influenced by the forbidden feelings.

He seemed like an entirely different being now, cold and indifferent. His voice was flat and emotionless, formal instead of friendly, completely lacking the gentle tone he had previously used around her. She remembered the warm – reserved – but kind Joshua. She missed the Joshua who could convince her by a mere look that it was going to be alright, the one who had risked everything in hopes that Lisa was feeling human emotion.

She missed  _her_  Joshua.

Lisa was startled for a moment by the thought that the 'old' Joshua was 'her' Joshua, but if the 'new' Joshua noticed the sudden tension in her posture and mannerisms, he didn't say a word. Not that the new Joshua would.

Instead, he bustled about her in silence, methodically checking to ensure that none of the injuries sustained during his interrogation and her torture were the cause of the fainting spell. She attempted to relax just a touch as Joshua shone a tiny blue penlight into her human eyes, watching them dilate as he asked her to look first to her right, then to her left.

"Exhaustion," he concluded finally, turning to Anna with as blank an expression as ever.

Lisa blamed it on the time she was spending with Tyler – and not on the fact that she simply had been far too troubled to be able to sleep. Anna seemed to accept that excuse, telling her that although Tyler was important to their goals, Lisa was not to purse him at the expense of her health. Lisa questioned her sincerity, but kept up the pretense regardless.

Joshua did not speak to her until after Anna and Marcus vacated the room. "I have sedatives, if you believe they would be helpful."

"Sedatives?" Lisa questioned, swinging her legs over the side of the exam table. The thin shift wrapped around her body rippled and crinkled as she moved. Joshua respectfully turned away as she removed the papery clothes and stepped into a dark blue dress, swift fingers working on attaching the clasps along the back.

"To assist you in falling asleep," Joshua answered. "You are having trouble, yes?"

"No. I can sleep when I try," Lisa lied.

Joshua pressed his hand against the area of skin where her neck met her shoulder. "Your muscles are tense. Many of the humans who come to the healing centers are suffering from the same problem. They call it stress. The sedatives will relieve then tension and help you sleep."

"Thank you." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

Joshua tipped his head to the side, slightly bemused at her use of the human expression. "You're welcome."

At her puzzled expression, he continued. "You do not think that you were the only one who has learned a few pieces of human culture? Every one of my human patients expresses appreciation after a visit, and they all tell me that the proper response is 'you're welcome'."

Lisa marveled momentarily at his simple, easy compliance with the human culture, remembering that her mother's instructions before arriving at earth were to attempt to fit seamlessly into their culture, by learning mannerisms, nuances, and other idiosyncrasies. Joshua was, for all intents and purposes, simply following orders.

Still, the gesture of 'human' kindness almost,  _almost_  made her smile.

"It is a peculiar custom…" Joshua mused aloud, "expressing gratitude to someone for merely performing their job."

"It is." Lisa agreed, sliding her flat shoes onto her feet and slowly standing up. If it was possible for Joshua to look worried, he did - or maybe that was just the disapproving doctor inside him telling her that she really shouldn't be moving around just yet.

She wanted to say something. She wanted to  _do_  something. She wanted to shake him, scream at him, knock some of those precious human emotions into his skull and make him  _her_  Joshua again.

Instead, Lisa settled for slipping out of the room without even giving him a backwards glance.

* * *

She arrived at the Evans' front door, citing a previously standing date with Tyler in order to convince her mother – and Joshua, who was acting like a mother hen unwilling to let her leave the nest – that it was safe for her to leave the mothership. Anna had seemed tense and preoccupied when they spoke, but Lisa was honestly at the point where she couldn't care less. Let her mother's plans fall apart. What did it matter? She would simply concoct new ones in a few days.

This time when Erica opened the door, she found Lisa sobbing, completely overwrought with emotions so strong and so fierce that she couldn't bring herself to stand upright. Erica ushered her inside and led her to the couch, softly assuring her that everything was going to be okay.

Tyler arrived home and rushed to her side. He proved surprisingly adept at knowing what to do when a woman cried, handing her a box of tissues and gently rubbing her back. Something about his presence was soothing. He seemed worried, and she could tell that he wanted to ask what was wrong. All she would – all she  _could_  – say was that a close friend had been lost to her. Neither Erica nor Tyler asked who this friend was, but Lisa suspected that Erica knew.

Lisa slept on the couch again, and woke to the smells of breakfast cooking in the kitchen. She padded inside softly and found Erica hovering over the stove.

"Lisa!" she exclaimed as she turned around, "You're awake. How are you feeling?"

"Better."

Erica worried her lower lip. "I'm glad."

Lisa wanted to point out that she didn't exactly look glad, but was unsure how to phrase the observation without sounding rude or offended.

"How is he?" Erica asked after a second's silence, handing Lisa a glass of orange juice across the center island. "Is he okay?"

"He's…alive. I-I don't know what's wrong with me. He's alive, and I should be happy he's alive, but I feel…loss." Lisa took a sip of juice; it was sweet. "Almost like he's died again."

"That's understandable," Erica offered a tight smile.

"Is something wrong?" Lisa felt the words spill out before she could stop them.

"I'm worried about Tyler. I'm worried this will make him all the more eager to join the Live Aboard Program." Erica turned off the stove and scooped several heaps of eggs onto three plates.

"If it helps, I am doing my best to keep him safe. I don't want to see him hurt."

"I understand, Lisa. I do. But I'm a mother. Worry is in my genes." Erica glanced up as Tyler bounded into the kitchen, giving Lisa a quick kiss on the cheek. "Whatcha talking about?" he asked, commandeering a plate and dosing his eggs with a large amount of black-and-white seasoning.

"I was just thanking your mother for her kind hospitality toward me," Lisa answered.

"Are you feeling any better?" Tyler's free hand rubbed her shoulder gently.

"Much better. Thank you."

Tyler smiled at her, making her stomach turn over. She wasn't sure if it was a good feeling or a bad one.

"I have an idea for what could help cheer you up," Tyler offered, "you up for it?"

Flooded with relief at the mention of an excuse not to return back to the ship right away, Lisa nodded. "Sure."

Tyler's idea turned out to be exploring New York City…on his motorcycle. It meant that Lisa spent the morning with her arms wrapped snuggly around his waist to keep from falling off the bike, but it also meant that she wasn't required to keep up a conversation. They stopped for lunch in the afternoon, and by early evening Lisa was having such a good time flying through the city that she honestly and truly didn't  _want_  to return home.

Until it started to rain.

News of the 'Red Rain' had spread around the globe, but apart from a few scattered showers, New York City had been oddly clear and sunny for the past few weeks. The storm came from nowhere, thunder that rumbled in the distance, bright bursts of lightning that lit up the sky, and large droplets of rain that fell furiously. Within minutes, they were driving through sheets of crimson rain and powerful gusts of wind that almost threatened to flip the bike over. Up above, it looked as if the sky was bleeding.

They were closer to the Visitor's Healing Center than Tyler's house, so that became their destination by default. However, as Tyler attempted to turn into the alleyway adjacent to the building, he lost control. The motorcycle flipped onto its side and skipped down the alleyway. Everything happened so quickly that Lisa couldn't fully process it all. One second she was clinging tightly to Tyler, and the next second she was on the ground, gravel digging into her back and lower legs.

Lisa coughed, wiping blood away from her mouth with the back of her hand. Already an inch of water covered the ground, mixing with the darker blood. She tried to stand up, but the agonizing pain that filled her lower limbs prevented that course of action. She let out a scream, and the part inside her, the Visitor part, cried out as well, giving the sound an odd, distorted quality to its tone.

She heard footsteps and shouting, but she couldn't tell what the voices were saying.

Strong hands and arms lifted her aboard a long stretcher. A needle stabbed into her arm. Her eyes drifted shut.

The next thing she remembered was the sound of nurses and doctors scurrying around her. Everything altered from black to fuzzy for the next few hours. When Lisa woke up – fully, truly woke up – she found a length of stitches running up the length of her left leg and a thin papery substance wrapped securely around the opposite limb. Evidently, she had inadvertently caused  _more_  severe damage to her already traumatized outer human skin.

Joshua stood next to her, pressing a cool compress to her forehead, and murmuring all kinds of derogatory things about 'motorcycles' – something along the lines of "blasted unsafe human contraptions."

"Were you worried about me?" Lisa asked softly, suddenly feeling oddly uncomfortable at the realization that she was covered only by a papery blanket that reached from her upper chest to midway down her thighs. Normally, modesty was not an issue for V's. It certainly hadn't been for her before she'd started seeing Tyler. Then she'd learned there was an intimacy and a vulnerability about being naked next to someone.

He tilted his head to the side. "It was…unwise for you to be traveling on that particular form of human transport. Your mother would have disposed of me if I had allowed you to perish."

Well, Lisa supposed that was somewhat comforting. "What happened?"

"You severely ripped the artificial skin tissue on your lower limbs. It was fortunate that you were found by our Healing Center Staff. It would have been disastrous if a human had discovered you and seen your true skin."

"Tyler?"

"Tyler was healed almost immediately upon his arrival." Joshua informed her. "He is at home with his mother, resting."

Lisa frowned. "How long was I out?"

"You were unconscious for over eight hours, counting the reconstructive surgery on your left leg, and the re-grafting on your right. He stayed with you as long as he could, but once the rain ceased and it was safe to return home, his mother took him there to get some rest. They said they would be by tomorrow to see how you were doing – even though I assured them that you would make a full recovery and might just as likely be back on the mothership by then." Joshua pressed a cloth soaked in antiseptic to the gash on her forehead before skimming a tiny device over the cut. Lisa flinched as the skin healed under the bluish-purple ray of light. "You must know by now that the more frequent you make these life-threatening accidents, the longer it will take you to heal afterwards."

"Believe me…none of these incidents occurred on purpose." Lisa shifted slightly on the flat, silver table as Joshua set aside the disinfectant and bent over the black stitches on her one leg.

"When they found you, the human skin on your left leg was almost completely peeled away and your right was stripped bare." Gently, his fingers checked the integrity of the stitches. "You're lucky that this wasn't worse."

To Lisa's great surprise, Joshua stayed with her, even when it became obvious he could be working elsewhere. When she asked him why, his response was simply, "The Queen requested it."

Since Lisa had given him no such order, she could only assume that he was referring to her mother. Somehow, the knowledge felt like an even further betrayal. Not that he had ever truly betrayed her to begin with. From his point of view, she was the one who had betrayed him, not the other way around.

Still, regardless of how he felt about her – or if he felt anything at all – he stayed. Perched on a high stool next to the examination table, he sat with her throughout the night. Whenever she opened her eyes, there he was. Sometimes he was reading her medical chart or he was scanning through the information presented on the holographic scanners, or occasionally he was simply sitting, watching her with wide, curious eyes.

Once, she thought – just for a second, and no longer – that he was holding her hand while she slept, but Lisa instantly pushed that thought from her mind. He would not have touched her like that even when he was the Joshua she'd known.

"I don't understand it," he commented softly when she finally woke up for good.

"Don't understand what?" Lisa asked. Her voice sounded scratchy, and her throat was raw. Joshua lifted a small cube of frozen liquid to her lips. The moisture helped.

"Why."

That was all he said for a short time. He checked her stitches, fussed with the silver sensors on her temples and shoulders, and gently removed the wrap from her right leg.

"My toenails are gone," Lisa noted, wiggling her bare toes and wincing at the pain that curled through her legs.

"We had to re-graft much of the skin on your legs." He spoke as though he had informed her of this before, and Lisa realized that although he had, she had not fully understood the implications of his statement. "Your toenails will grow back in a few days," he assured her, a small, amused smile playing on the corners of his lips.

It was good to see him smile, even if it was only a small gesture.

"What don't you understand?" Lisa asked, unsure where she'd found that dose of bravery.

He looked, for a second, as if he was unsure how to answer. Then, finally, he spoke. "Why you're different."

"Different?" Lisa hoped her voice didn't betray her. "Different how?"

"I do not know," Joshua confessed. "But when I am with you…nothing is the same."


	4. Part IV: The Past is Gone

Lisa's legs required several follow-up visits to the Healing Center over the next few days. Tyler was always around, marveling at the great technology of her people, and commenting on how he wouldn't know what to do if she had died in the accident. It should have been touching, and it should have helped her feel better, but it didn't.

She felt alone, abandoned. Even though she knew Joshua's present condition wasn't his fault and Tyler really  _did_  mean well, she still felt…misunderstood. Isolated.

She had never felt alone before. She had always been surrounded by her people, always been wonderfully numbed by the Bliss her mother provided. Then Tyler happened, and her world seemed to change. And then Joshua happened after that, and her whole world changed again, this time for the better. Slowly, both of them had begun to slip away. Joshua was lost to her before Tyler, but Lisa saw the signs. It would not be long before he joined the Live Aboard Program and her mother's influence over him was solidified.

At her first follow-up appointment, Joshua carefully clipped the tight black stitching that held the torn human flesh of her left leg together.

Lisa shifted slightly as the thread pulled at the swollen wound. By the time Joshua had finished, the entire length of her leg felt painfully raw. "You need to stay off of your feet for a few more days," he instructed, focusing on coating the still-healing wound on Lisa's leg with a thick, clear substance. "The human skin his healing nicely, but I'm concerned about its adhesion to…well, your skin beneath."

He moved around the table to her other leg and began soothing the lotion over the raw skin there, checking for bruises or other tears.

"Joshua…" Lisa swallowed. She was either about to be incredibly brave or unbelievably stupid. "You said the other day that…I…well…you didn't exactly make much sense."

He didn't pause his work to look at her. "I was…rather confused myself."

"You said nothing was the same around me. What…what did you mean by that?" Lisa winced in pain as his fingers pressed against a particularly tender portion of her human flesh.

"Before…" he seemed somewhat at a loss to find the appropriate words. "I saw you differently. I do not understand why."

"I looked different?"

"No…" Joshua frowned, and his hands finally stilled. "You look exactly the same. But I saw you differently."

"I don't understand." Lisa watched as his fingers pressed gently against the skin on her ankle. Something about this touch was less medical, more tender.

"I looked at you, and although you looked exactly the same as you do right now, something…drew me to you." He finally looked up at her face and her eyes caught his.

"How so?" Lisa asked, almost scared to know the answer.

"You were…perfection. You were beautiful. When I looked at you…everything else in the world just faded away. I wanted to stop Anna from hurting you…because it felt as if she was hurting me."

Joshua blinked once, as if waking from a trance. "It makes no sense to me now."

Lisa looked away from him, unable to continue looking in his eyes when for one short minute  _her_  Joshua was there and then he was gone. Her vision blurred and her throat constricted.

The next day when Lisa went for her exam, they didn't speak at all. At some point, Joshua must have attempted to get her attention, but when she didn't respond, he touched her hand. "Lisa? Are you alright?"

Lisa blinked, slowly, trying to process what he said. "I believe I am fine."

His hand still covered hers, and his thumb and first finger circled her wrist. Stretching his arm across the table, he took her other hand and helped her down. "Be careful not to put any undue stress on your legs. I'll see you at the usual time tomorrow."

* * *

Time dragged by slowly. Lisa spent most of it in her sleeping quarters, lying down. Tyler stopped by occasionally. He was ecstatic to the point of being painfully annoying. Although his mother still maintained that Live Aboard was a bad idea, Tyler was relentless. Lisa was almost certain that elsewhere aboard the Mothership, Anna was doubtlessly making Tyler's excitement look like mute impassiveness.

Her toenails grew back.

Every day, Joshua checked her legs, applied a creamy clear liquid to the wounded segments and sent her on her way. Often he did this without speaking, and usually without looking at her. It was something Lisa knew she could easily do herself, but she was a princess, the daughter of a queen, so extra steps were taken.

Tension filled most of her waking moments. Heightened complications on the ground – some due to the Fifth Column, some due to Anna's nefarious devices – made every Visitor and most of the humans uneasy. However, the Visitors generally had the comfort of Anna's bliss. Since Lisa had already gone several successful months without surrendering herself to the warm light, she wasn't about to start up the habit again. Besides, she had witnessed first hand the difference between the Joshua she had known and Joshua the way he was now. There was no way Lisa wanted to lose her soul like that.

She wondered, often, if there was any way to help Joshua start feeling human emotions again, but every option she considered held little chance of actually working, and only served to expose her if or when it backfired.

When the New Delhi Mothership inexplicably crashed to the ground, killing thousands of Visitors and Humans alike, Anna's first course of action was to initiate a second wave of empathy tests. The investigations were carried out in a matter of a few days, designed to strike so quickly that the Fifth Column would be unable to react. The tests had been upgraded since the last run-through, to the point where it would be near impossible to be feeling even a smidgen of human emotion and still pass.

It worked, sadly enough. Hundreds were exposed and eliminated in a thorough, methodical manner.

There was a time Lisa considered fleeing. Plenty of Fifth Column on the ground would have helped her in her flight. Erica, Jack…even Hobbes would have probably been more than willing to assist her in getting away and staying hidden. In the end, she decided that running away wasn't going to help matters any. She would stay and face the tests with strength and dignity.

If they killed her for it…then they killed her for it.

Joshua was in charge of coordinating and administering all the tests on the New York Mothership. Lisa was the last on a long list. Silently, Joshua positioned the circular monitors on either side of her face and motioned for her to sit down in the long silver chair. Inhaling a deep breath, Lisa allowed her eyes to close, giving her a few seconds of peace before what she knew would be a vicious bombardment.

She was right.

Horrifying sounds and grisly images covered the numerous screens above her, flooding her senses and muddling her mind. She tried not to focus on the pictures above her, tried not to react, but it proved to be nearly impossible.

She failed. Miserably.

Lisa knew it was true before she even slid off of the chair, prying the nodes from her temples as she slowly stood up. Behind her, Joshua's face was hidden by a holographic display, but she could see his eyes scanning the results. His lips were pinched tightly together, and she saw his eyebrows move upwards just slightly as he sliced a hand horizontally through the air and the intangible monitor vanished. Lisa held out the two nodes silently. Carefully, Joshua took the devices from her and slid them into his jacket pocket.

He studied her for a moment, as if lost in thought.

Then, finally, "Lisa, is this a trick?"

"Is what a trick?" she asked, perplexed.

"Because if this is a trick…I could easily kill you based on those test results and no one would bat an eye – not even Anna." He sounded angry, and Lisa almost took a step back.

He  _was_ angry.

"Joshua –  _what are you talking about?_ " she demanded, feeling the emotion rising in her voice but finding herself unable to stop it.

"You failed." He grabbed her shoulders. "Is it a trick this time too? Is Anna trying to make sure I'm on her side?"

"You're not?"

"That wasn't the question," he growled, shaking her lightly. "Is it a trick?"

Lisa licked her lips, anxiousness trickling down her spine. "To the extent of my knowledge, those test results were real and have always been real."

"You were –  _you are_  – feeling human emotion?" Joshua clarified. "You're Fifth Column?"

Lisa nodded once. "I am. So either kill me now, or let go of me."

His arms fell to his sides. "And before?"

"I was feeling before as well. I always was. Anna's plan was to make you believe I was sympathetic to your cause. It worked because she didn't know that I actually  _was_."

"The entire time…"

"I was on your side." She reached out, clasping her fingers around his arm and giving it a gentle squeeze. "I have  _always_  been on your side."

In one sudden, fluid motion, his arms were wrapped around her, hugging her in a warm, firm embrace. She'd done this before with Tyler, several times. She'd even done this with Erica…but here, with Joshua? This was something completely different. She felt secure, peaceful. Her mother's words echoed in her head,  _Nothing Ahead, Nothing Behind._

Lisa pressed her cheek against his, keeping her eyes closed, realization coming in waves. "I felt so alone. Why didn't you say something before?"

"I almost did, that night in the infirmary." He smiled. "Your mother didn't ask me to stay, you know."

"All that time…we both thought the other…" Words seemed hard to come by.

"I know." Joshua murmured, pulling away reluctantly. "Your mother is expecting me in her chambers shortly to give a full report. I'll change your test results again. She won't be able to trace it."

"Joshua…" The moment hung between them…a thick, heavy presence that made her head spin and her throat dry.

"I have to go," he whispered.

"I know," her fingers brushed his cheek.

"I'll see you…at our appointment tomorrow." He seemed unsure, but Lisa nodded. "I will see you then."

He looked like he wanted to say something…he looked like he wanted to say  _a lot_  of things, but instead he just watched as she walked away, allowing the door to shut quietly behind her.

The next day passed at a tortuously slow rate. Now that she could move about more freely, Lisa was stuck helping Tyler become acclimated to life on the ship, which only made her feel melancholy and despondent. When she did eventually leave the confines of the sleeping quarters and make it down to the medical bay, Tyler followed her like a little puppy dog, all wide eyes and bashful smiles. Thankfully, Joshua requested – in his unemotional, impassive manner – that he remain outside the examination room.

"He still insists on living aboard?" Joshua asked as he helped her onto the table and helped her lift her skirt away from her lower limbs.

"Yes," Lisa looked down. "Nothing I say seems to persuade him otherwise."

"He will eventually die, Lisa," Joshua's voice was firm, agitated. "Anna won't need him alive forever."

"You think I don't know that?" The emotion that bled through her tone would have given her away if circumstances had been different. "I've tried everything, Joshua. He's…stubborn."

Joshua wisely let the subject drop.

"When did you start feeling emotion again?" Lisa asked. "You were under my mother's bliss for a while; I noticed."

"During your accident. I didn't understand why…why I cared so much about saving your life. I told myself that it was because of who you were, because I could get in trouble if I didn't save you, but in the end…" He paused, choosing his words carefully. "In the end…I didn't want to lose you because I  _cared_  about you. In some way, you brought me around again. The only reason I defected back to Anna's side was to save you. And the only reason I left it again was because I wanted to save you."

Lisa was quiet for a moment, absorbing his words. "What do we do now?"

"For now, we carry on as we always have." Joshua turned away from her as he spoke, fingers grazing the pink scars on her legs. "These have healed up nicely. I'll clear up the residual scarring, and then you're done."

"Done?" Lisa questioned as the blue light traveled from her ankles to her knees, the soft, almost inaudible humming assuring her that the technology was in fact working its magic.

"Yes," Joshua answered, moving around the table to repeat the process on her other leg. "You will be back to full health."

Lisa read the unspoken meaning behind that statement. Her legs would be completely healed, and while she would see Joshua occasionally, it would always be in the monitored hallways or the presence of other Visitors. She would return to her task of making Tyler fall more deeply in love with her, and he would be working in the healing center or with her mother. In short, they would hardly see each other.

Lisa looked down at the floor, suddenly and almost inexplicably saddened. She cared for Joshua, this she found almost easy to admit, but she hadn't expected the loss to feel so…sharp, like a knife plunged in her stomach.

Joshua's hands locked around her wrists as he helped her climb off of the table. "It will be alright, Lisa," he attempted to assure her. She nodded, noticing that he still held her hands in his. She looked down; his thumb rubbed a slow circle on the back of her hand. His eyes locked on hers, and she tipped her head to the side.

She felt peace.

It was strange; the entire world was rocking unsteadily beneath her feet, first with her decision to help Fifth Column, Joshua's detainment and capture, and finally the moment when she believed that he had lost all human emotions. But right then, even knowing that Tyler was waiting for her on the other side of that door and that after this moment she would likely never be alone in a room with Joshua again, the soft, gentle emotion washed over her, her body stilled, and she found that she believed his words. It would be alright.

The moment felt like bliss. It felt like drowning in that sweet, white glow. Lisa felt all worry, fear and doubt fall away, fade into blackness.

What felt like an eternity turned out to only be a few minutes. Hesitantly, Lisa slipped her hands out of Joshua's grip and walked towards the door, stopping halfway there to glance back at the doctor over her shoulder.

"Thank you, Joshua," she said.

"Always a pleasure," He smiled at her. "My Queen."


	5. Part V: Nothing Ahead, Nothing Behind

As Lisa had deduced, she saw very little of Joshua for a long time. Occasionally she was provided with a glimpse of him in the hallway. Once, she stumbled upon him in an empty corridor, but they were only alone for a few seconds before another Visitor entered the hallway, so there was no time for anything to be said.

The first significant encounter occurred the day Lisa walked into her mother's chambers to find Tyler lying on the floor, dead. Some human part of her wanted to scream at the horror, but the part of her that had hidden her feelings for the past few months, the small measure of self-control that she possessed, kept her from giving in to the human reaction.

Instead, she gritted her teeth and asked, "What happened?"

Anna tipped her head to one side as she stared down at Tyler's lifeless body. "He outlived his usefulness. We've harvested as much from him as we can."

Lisa didn't ask what it was that they were harvesting. Tyler had become little more than a test rat over the past few weeks, drugged to the point where he barely recognized her, and only allowed off of the medicine when Anna needed to assure his mother that her son was alright.

Now, Lisa wasn't sure what her mother was doing. Anna didn't seem quite ready to hang it all and declare outright war on the humans. No, she had an angle. He died of a brain tumor, or from some other natural cause. No blame would be placed on her – she would likely even cry at his funeral. If it became a public spectacle, she would make a speech, a good long one, about how painful it was to lose such a close human friend, about how much Tyler meant to her. It would all be scripted, written out, practiced in front of a mirror until Anna was pleased with the results.

"What is to be done?" Lisa questioned numbly.

Anna walked towards the windows, arms crossed delicately across his chest. "I will handle all the particulars; I merely wanted you to know what has happened. It is tragic, is it not?"

Lisa did not answer; Anna did not require one.

When nothing further was said, Lisa left.

* * *

She shouldn't have done what she did next; it was stupid and foolhardy. Being driven by emotions led to mistakes, something she should have learned a long time ago. But her feet led her to the infirmary almost of their own accord. It was simply good fortune that when she found him, Joshua was alone in an examination room, restocking the medical supplies on the shelves. Without thought or preamble, Lisa closed the door behind her and threw her arms around the poor doctor before he even had time to react.

Even as she clung to him, some logical part of her mind told her that he should push her away. She should not be here, not where the other Visitors could see them, not where anyone – live aboard or V or even Fifth Column – could walk in on them at any time.

She simply couldn't help it. There was something so inherently awful about seeing Tyler's lifeless body simply laying there on the floor, a pool of crimson blood collecting around his head. Her body shuddered and her breathing quickened.

"Shhh," Joshua soothed, running his hands up and down her back. "You need to calm down, you're hyperventilating."

Something about the diagnosis brought Lisa back to those few moments when she had been conscious during the aftermath of her role in his interrogation. Joshua diagnosed people when he felt uncomfortable, she realized mutely.

He didn't ask her what was wrong, but he did – slowly – slip her out of his arms for a few seconds to secure the lock on the door. (Lisa had been unaware that locking the exam room door was even an option, so she had settled for closing it.) As soon as he finished, he walked back over to her, gathering up her trembling body again and whispering soft, kind words in her ear.

"It's going to be alright, Lisa," he told her again, sounding less-than-sure. "It's going to be alright."

It wasn't, naturally, but it was a nice sentiment, all the same.

* * *

It rained the day of the funeral; thick, red droplets dripped to the ground like blood. Somehow – and Lisa had only one guess as to how – the media had been made aware of Anna's decision to attend the funeral, and a swarm of cameras and microphones greeted her as she climbed out of a rented Limousine, shielded from the rain by several umbrellas.

Anna, feigning grief over the boy she'd killed, stayed sandwiched between Lisa and Marcus as they slowly moved past the newscasters. The media ate up the story of the V's High Commander grieving over a young man she claimed 'was such a good friend to her daughter.' Lisa detested being put on display, but her mother's insistence prevailed over any discomfort she expressed. Still, the words 'no comment' fell from her lips like a mantra.

Erica Evans was constantly flanked by either a scowling Kyle Hobbes or a worried Father Jack – a situation that the men seemed to have non-verbally established due to Anna's presence. Lisa found it slightly amusing that the two men were so instinctively protective; she was certain that the FBI agent was more than capable of taking care of herself – particularly where Anna was concerned. They also worked to keep Erica as far away from the High Commander as possible. Lisa suspected that was so Evans didn't pull out a weapon and attempt to exact vengeance on her son's murderer. Erica was smart enough to know that even though it was likely Anna had not pulled the trigger, she had still orchestrated Tyler's demise.

Lisa didn't say a word during the funeral. She was quiet as she listened to Erica talk about her son; she was still when Father Jack spoke comforting words of heaven and how Tyler was in a better place now; she cried silently as a strange human instrument –a bagpipe – played a melody called "Amazing Grace" that somehow managed to tug at her emotions despite her best efforts.

When it came time to give their condolences, Lisa was ahead of her mother. She shook Joe Evans' hand, murmured a general, "I'm sorry for your loss," and moved on to Erica, who immediately reached out to her, holding her in a firm, tight hug.

"I did everything I could," Lisa said. "I did everything…" Her voice broke.

"Shh, sweetie," Erica whispered. "I know. It's not your fault."

Lisa stepped back and waited silently as Anna approached. She could practically see the tension hanging between the two women. Although Erica might have been holding onto the ruse of being a supporter of the Visitors, it was clear by her expression and her body language that she was beyond disgusted with their leader. The word  _hate_  came to the forefront of Lisa's mind.

Anna gently extended her hand, but Erica ignored the gesture.

"I'm very sorry for your loss, Agent Evans," Anna said. "You must know your son meant a lot to me."

"Go to hell," Erica replied.

Anna bristled, feigning shock.

Lisa almost smiled, watching as Jack and Hobbes both began swiftly making their way towards the grieving mother. The priest rested a hand on her shoulder. "Erica," he murmured softly, "This isn't the time."

She flinched away from him. "Like hell it's not, Jack!" Her eyes narrowed as she glared at Anna. "You killed my son!" One arm lashed out and Lisa was certain that she would have succeeded in slapping Anna had Hobbes not looped his arms around her waist and held her back, swinging her around slightly as he did so.

"Chill out, girlie," he grumbled in a low, warning tone. "I'd like to skin the bitch as much as you would, but Jack's right: now is  _not_  the time."

"Lisa," Anna called softly, reaching for her daughter. "We should go."

Lisa walked over to her mother, but didn't take her hand. There was no point.

As she followed Marcus and Anna to the car, Lisa couldn't help turning back to take one last look at Erica. She was crying; each sob was filled with anguish. One arm was linked with Father Jack's, and she leaned heavily against the priest's shoulder. Off to the side, Hobbs stood, arms crossed, fixing Anna and Marcus with a steely glare.

Lisa swallowed nervously and turned to follow her mother.

* * *

The next morning, pictures from the funeral filled the front page of the paper, among them: a picture of an enraged Erica shouting at the High Commander, a snapshot of Lisa and Erica hugging and next to that, a photo of Lisa's tearstained face during the funeral. The argument between Anna and Erica was smoothly glossed over; the writer cited Erica's grief as the likely reason for the dispute. Instead, the article's main focus was Lisa. The words beneath the pictures told the love story of a Visitor and a Human. Several references were made to  _Romeo and Juliet_. A few sentences were devoted to the fact that Lisa had been the Visitor who was attacked by anti-Visitor extremists half a year prior.

Lisa became a media darling overnight. Every news outlet wanted an interview, everyone wanted to know about the Visitor girl who fell in love with a Human boy.

Several days later, photos documenting her injuries from the earlier attack showed up in the paper. Lisa had no doubt that Anna had leaked them, to keep the focus on her daughter and garner as much sympathy as possible. Swiftly, Anna appointed Lisa as the head of Public Relations, and she was soon scurrying from weekly interviews with Chad Decker, to daily updates on the large screens located on the underside of the Motherships. She checked over press releases and ensured that all the V's publicity was either good or non-existent.

It was frustrating because Lisa knew the whole story. She knew exactly how the truth was twisted, how the lies were repeated so often they were thought of as truth. She knew exactly how to push an agenda, and more often than not she felt like she did more to help her mother than she ever did for the Fifth Column. Joshua told her once that most of the members – at least, most of the V's – were incredibly hesitant to include her in any plan whatsoever, lest it backfire and expose her. There would be a time, he assured her, when Anna would be overthrown, and Lisa would rule.

There was a point – there were several – that she wanted to scream that she was doing no good  _now_. There were people dying  _now_. Even when Joshua was locked up, there had been nothing Lisa could do because he refused to let her blow her cover.

The assignment, as it turned out, did have its perks. One being that Anna was constantly providing Lisa with a steady flow of genuine information. Some of it was inevitably leaked to Fifth Column since most of it consisted of dark, dirty secrets that Anna hoped would never see the light of day. It was ironic, Lisa acknowledged, that her mother was freely sharing all these details to ensure that they  _didn't_  make it to the ears of the Fifth Column. The tiny morsels Lisa spilled were only small pieces of a big pie, but it seemed that every little bit helped.

The second perk was that when Anna decided that Joshua was a risk she was no longer willing to take and decided to terminate him, she made the mistake of telling Lisa beforehand. How Lisa stayed calm through the rest of that conversation, she would probably never know, but by the time their daily morning meeting had concluded, her fingernails had created little crescent shaped indents in the palms of her hands.

If she didn't know it would attract an astronomically high amount of unwanted attention, Lisa probably would have run directly to the Medical Bay. As it was, she moved at a speed that silently told the V's on the ship that she was headed somewhere on urgent business and to stay out of her way. Joshua found her the second she entered the room. He caught her by the arm and wheeled her out of the Medical Bay and down a series of hallways.

"What is going on?" he asked softly, once they were out of earshot.

"She knows…about you. Or she suspects and simply doesn't want to take any chances," Lisa whispered. "We have to get you off of this ship. We can do it without blowing my cover."

He looked uneasy, but eventually nodded. "Alright. When is she planning on doing this?"

"As soon as she can," Lisa answered. "We need to get you out of here."

"She will have blocked my ID on the shuttles," Joshua noted, "She wouldn't want me getting off of the ship. When she doesn't find me she'll eventually set up security check points that I won't be able to pass through." His fingers lingered on her elbow, and he slowly guided them down the empty corridor.

"There has to be a way to get you down there without putting your name on a manifest," Lisa frowned, licking her lips. They reached the living quarters in a few minutes, and after checking to ensure no one could see them, they slipped into Lisa's quarters. It would be one of the last places Anna's guards checked for Joshua, so it would buy them some time. Lisa sealed the door behind them, and then turned to Joshua. The doctor seemed slightly uncomfortable with their current location; he shifted from one foot to another foot.

"I would offer you something to drink, but the cooling unit in my quarters is broken." Lisa paused, thinking about that last word. "Damaged ships are taken to a mechanical sector until they are repaired, but sometimes it takes a day or two before repaired vessels are returned to regular usage…they have to be tested first to ensure that they're fully repaired and reliable. We can use one of them and bring it back later. No one will know."

Joshua rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "It might work."

"It has to," Lisa whispered, bringing up a holographic station with a wave of her hand. She sifted through screens easily, one after another, until she found the one she wanted. "Yes…there is a ship…recently repaired. It should work."

Joshua nodded. "Then we need to go. Now. We can contact Erica and the others once we're on the ground."

They fled from Lisa's quarters quickly, slipping between the lines of the net the guards had laid out. It was unclear as to whether or not they were already looking for Joshua, but they acted as if they were, so the doctor and the future queen moved cautiously through the mothership.

The mechanical bay was mostly empty, save for one lonely mechanic. Joshua quickly retrieved a syringe from his jacket pocket, plunging the needle into the Visitor's neck and giving him the full injection before he could react. The V's body crumpled to the ground.

Lisa quirked an eyebrow; Joshua grinned.

They climbed into the shuttle, Lisa into the pilot's seat, Joshua into one of the adjoining passengers chairs. Quickly, she checked the fuel level and other important gauges. The miniature ship lifted into the air just as the doors in front of them slid open. The red sky loomed above them as they zoomed away from the mothership.

Fear tightened in Lisa's chest. Piloting the shuttle was no problem; she had done so hundreds of times before without any trouble. No, it was merely the fact that she suddenly realized exactly how much danger they were in.

"Lisa," Joshua's voice – low and gentle – broke through her thoughts, "You did not have to do this." One of his hands covered hers. He gave it a tender squeeze. "Thank you."

She glanced at him and almost smiled. "You're welcome."

Joshua smiled at her and went back to his task of attempting to contact Erica. The ship was equipped with a system for tapping into the Human's telephone network. He managed to make contact with Jack, who agreed to send Kyle and Erica to pick up Joshua.

They landed in a large clearing. Hobbes and Evans weren't there yet, so Lisa and Joshua hid the shuttle near the trees.

"You should go," Joshua told her. "Leave me here, fly back to the mothership and return the shuttle."

"I'll wait," she replied.

"Lisa…" he began.

"I'll wait," she repeated, firmly.

Neither spoke for a few minutes.

"I won't see you again, will I?" Lisa asked. "They'll hide you away, keep you safe, but I will not be able to see you or hear from you…"

"This…" Joshua seemed perplexed. "This makes you sad."

"You're my friend and I may never see you again. Yes, that makes me sad."

He almost smiled. "I thought it was just me."

Slowly, Lisa reached over and threaded her fingers through his. A small, chaste contact, but contact all the same. Warmth spread up her arm. The odd feeling of joy flooded her senses.

They stood facing each other. Joshua took her other hand in his. "For whatever it is worth, Lisa: I will miss you. You've saved my life several times now. I am beyond grateful."

Lisa stepped forward and slid her arms around him, resting her cheek against his shoulder. "I don't want you to go, but I want you to be safe."

"I'll be okay," he murmured, "I promise. And I'll see you again. I will."

He leaned back slightly, framing her face with his hands. "You will be a great ruler someday. I know it." He moved forward and pressed his lips tenderly to her temple, cradling her body gently in his arms.

His thumb brushed across her lips as he pulled away, a ghostly caress that made her pulse quicken.

"I will miss you," she whispered, blinking back tears, startled by the sorrow that caused a dull ache in her chest. Impulsively, she leaned forward, giving him a soft kiss on his mouth.

_Oh._

She'd done this with Tyler, really, she had. She had shared numerous kisses that were far more passionate, far greater in length and intensity, but the feelings those kisses had stirred were nothing compared to the emotions and sensations this kiss evoked.

Their eyes met as the kiss ended and Lisa found herself struggling for breath, the ache in her chest momentarily replaced with surprise and pleasure. She opened her mouth to say something – anything – but Joshua drew her to him before she could, capturing her lips in a longer, searing kiss.

When they broke away, Lisa pressed her face into his shoulder so he couldn't see her crying.

"Kyle Hobbes and Agent Evans are here," he whispered. "It's time for me to go."

"You'll find me right?" Lisa wished she didn't sound quite so frantic. "Someday, when this is all over…tell me you'll find me?"

"Lisa, look at me," he turned her face towards him. "I'll find you," he promised. "I'll find you…My Queen."

The use of the endearment only increased her tears.

They said nothing more; they simply embraced one more time, then Lisa watched as Joshua walked towards Hobbes and Evans. Halfway there, he turned, waving once.

Fear began to rise up in her chest. For a long moment she'd never felt so alone.

Heartsick, Lisa watched as the truck sped away, then she flew the shuttle back to the mothership. A collection of soldiers met her as she landed.

"The High Commander wishes to see you." The leader informed her.

Lisa went along docilely, following the men to her mother's chambers without comment.

"You helped him escape." Anna spoke the moment she entered. "Why?"

Lisa didn't speak.

Anna slapped her.

"Why did you help him escape?" she screamed.

Lisa smiled. "You think you're so high and mighty. You think you see all; you know all; you  _are_ all. You use bliss to keep us numb and pliant so that we will do your bidding when I know that you care nothing for us. You say the humans are foolish for feeling emotion – you feel superior to them – but I tell you that emotion makes them greater: more powerful and more potent than anything you've ever been and anything you've ever done. You can't win,  _Anna_." The use of the name was deliberate and intended to shock.

Lunging at her daughter, Anna let out a high pitched shriek, shrill and terrifying. Her hands locked around Lisa's throat and she squeezed, tightly. "Why did you save him?"

"I couldn't let you kill him. I..." Lisa licked her lips. "I love him." As soon as the words were spoken she realized they were true. She'd thought she loved Tyler, she had, but that love was so different than what she felt for Joshua.

Anna went ballistic. She shoved Lisa away from her and began pacing viciously, obviously thinking intently.

Suddenly she stopped, twisting around and marching over to Lisa.

Lisa attempted to back away, but it did no good. Anna's hands pressed against her temples. White light flooded around her.

Lisa screamed as her mother's soft monotone voice filled her ears. This Bliss was different. When she fought it, it fought back.

_You are not alone_

Resistance was painful.

_You will never be alone_

_No pain_

_No heartache_

Temptation was strong.

_No love_

_No human emotion_

Lisa held out as long as she could, but the truth was something she'd said to Joshua once before.

_Nothing ahead_

_Nothing behind_

Everybody breaks.

_Just peace_

_My peace_

  
  



	6. Part VI: Uncontrollable Destiny

Numbness settled in like a welcome friend. Existence became all about breathing in and out. Slowly, the euphoria faded, and Lisa fell to her knees, unable to care about the pain that shot through her lower limbs.

"Mother?" she questioned, looking up. "What do you wish for me to do?"

"Leave. Go to your chambers and stay there until I send for you," she ordered.

"Joshua?" Lisa asked, curious instead of caring.

"I will take care of him." Anna assured her.

Lisa left her mother's chambers without a word.

Time returned to being inconsequential. Days bled together, one running into the next. Lisa resumed her normal duties and fell back into her normal habits without anyone being the wiser. The loss of Tyler no longer pained her; the absence of Joshua was no longer noticed.

It was fortunate for the Fifth Column that he was the only on-ship member Lisa could identify, for she willingly exposed Erica, Hobbes and Father Jack without hesitation or regret, regardless of the fact that her mother knew of their affiliation with the Fifth Column already. But if Anna wanted to do anything to them, it was too late. They'd already gone underground. They were off the grid and completely untraceable – probably thanks to Hobbes. Anna sent a blissfully brainwashed Ryan out after them at one point, but when he never returned she became furious. After that, Lisa wasn't informed about how the search progressed.

Every once and a while Lisa would catch a glimmer of emotion, a flicker of light in a dark tunnel. But it was always there and gone, all too easily washed away by the light of Bliss until there was nothing that remained but the obedient, docile daughter Anna desired so much.

* * *

Some time later, in one swift, coordinated strike, thousands upon thousands of V soldiers attacked earth. Hundreds of thousands of humans were captured and imprisoned; millions more died fighting. Fifth Column expanded exponentially, transitioning from a small band of rebels to an army of angry earthlings.

War had begun.

And still, Lisa felt nothing. Numbness strengthened its hold and refused to relinquish its grip. Sometimes Lisa wondered if she let it, if she truly had reached a point where feeling would simply open her up to too much raw pain for her to bear alone.

Somehow – and Lisa would likely never be certain as to the how – the New York mothership was attacked. Blown right out of the sky. The great black ship crashed in the center of Central Park, nothing but twisted metal and broken wires sparking blue energy. The wreckage was immediately invaded, and somehow through the smoke Lisa managed to find a weapon and join up with a small group of soldiers. The humans came at the small band of survivors viciously, using technology Lisa had never been aware they possessed. While the majority of the survivors were picked off one by one, Lisa was swept away by what few of her guards remained because she was the future queen and must be protected at all costs.

They dashed through the remains, dodging fallen ceilings and dislodged support beams. Smoke stung her eyes and clogged in her lungs, and she coughed and cried until somehow they made it past the debris and into the clear air. Lisa fell onto her back, exhausted. She stared up at the red sky, with the ever-present white stars flickering down on her, almost mocking.

Blackness was closing in, but she was still conscious enough to feel someone's hands hook beneath her and strong arms lift her up. Someone cradled her body against their warm, solid chest, and Lisa's last thought was wondering who her savior was.

When she woke up, she was in an unfamiliar room, tucked beneath a thin quilt. The bed creaked when she stood up, and the earth spun beneath her feet when she tried to walk. Looking down, she found that she was wearing an oversized human t-shirt and a pair of jeans that were likely a size too large. Her weapon sat on the small table beside the bed, and Lisa took it, grateful that whoever had taken her hadn't thought to take it away.

The floor was dirty and cold, the walls were concrete and bare.

"You're awake," a voice said, and Lisa spun around, swinging the blaster so it pointed directly at the stranger. A small amount of pressure exerted by her first finger would completely disintegrate any V instantly and fatally harm any human caught in the potent beam of blue energy.

"Don't shoot," Joshua held his hands up. "It's me."

Lisa blinked. He was dressed like a human – jeans and a green tee-shirt – and his hair was longer, but there was no question as to who stood before her.

"Give me one good reason why not?" she asked. Some small part of her wondered why she even had to ask. He was Fifth Column. She should have discharged her weapon the moment she realized who he was, regardless of the fact that he had evidently saved her.

To his credit, Joshua looked confused for a moment, before realization dawned. "What happened to you? Did Anna…"

"My mother…showed me my error." Lisa told him, still torn as to why she had yet to kill him and be done with it. "She did the same for you once, but you were stubborn."

"You don't want to kill me," Joshua told her, slowly beginning to circle her. She stepped back when he got too close.

"My mother gave specific orders," she replied.

"Your  _mother_ gave orders. What about you? Do you really want to do this?" he asked.

He was moving closer. Lisa gripped the weapon with both hands. "I'll shoot."

"You don't want to," his voice was slow and patient. "Lisa, listen to me."

"No!" she yelled. "You…just…don't speak."

"If you really wanted me dead you would have done it already," he attempted to point out.

"If you really wanted to live you would  _stop talking_ ," she countered, confused. Her hands shook, and she found it difficult to hold the blaster steady.

He stepped towards her, one hand reaching for her arm. "You told me to find you, Lisa…do you remember telling me that?"

"I was deceived: blinded by human emotion. I was foolish." Her fingers tightened around the blaster even as his fingers circled her wrist and slowly lowered her arms.

"No," he shook his head. "You weren't."

Their eyes met. "I know you're in there somewhere, Lisa," he whispered.

The gun clattered to the floor.

Something animal and deadly slithered through her veins. She leapt at him, reptilian fangs extending and that long, thin tail swaying in the air behind her, the lizard beneath her skin fully intent on killing him and getting out of this room. Joshua swore. His arms wrapped around her waist to prevent her from getting past him. Her teeth scraped his shoulder and he cried out, backhanding her hard enough that she drew the fangs back into her mouth in shock.

The door opened and Lisa heard a gruff voice ask, "What in the hell?"

"Hobbes! I need you to get me a sedative," Joshua yelled, even as Lisa thrashed violently in his arms – no longer ready to kill him, but desperately desiring to get out of there  _now_. Instead of rushing off to get a sedative, Hobbes fist flew forward to connect with Lisa's face. She fell backwards, slipping out of Joshua's grasp and landing on the hard floor below. When she regained her bearings, Hobbes was standing over her with her own weapon aimed at her.

"Relax," he grunted to an obviously distressed Joshua. "You and your magic wands will have the little princess here fixed up in no time, and nobody ever died from a black eye and a bloody nose."

Lisa tried to push herself up into a sitting position, but Hobbes gave her a death glare. "Don't you move. Alien royalty or not, I have no problem shooting you."

Lisa followed his instructions. It was done out of self-preservation, not fear.

"Let's get something straight here. You're not a guest; you're a prisoner. I've got a meat hook in the other room that I've just been dying to use, and it's been quite a while since I've had an evil lizard to skin. Unless you wanna be next, I suggest that you shut your mouth and behave yourself."

She was almost tempted to ask if he left all his prisoners in a room with a loaded weapon, but her head was already throbbing and she really didn't want him to shoot or skin her out of spite. Glancing behind Hobbes, she saw Joshua leaning against the wall, arms crossed in front of his chest, an uneasy expression on his face.

"Can ya tie her up now, doc?" Hobbes tossed Joshua a thin piece of plastic and the medic knelt to loop the strip around her wrist, tying it to a metal circlet hanging from the wall. It kept Lisa on the floor, but gave her some limited mobility. Plus, Hobbes actually managed to feel comfortable enough to lower his weapon.

"Did you have to threaten her so harshly?" Joshua asked. "She was already obviously disoriented."

"Yeah. Disoriented enough to try killing you. Sorry, Doc, but you'd better watch this one. I know you said she's a friend, but I don't trust her."

With that, the mercenary tossed the blaster to Joshua and left the room. For a long time, the medic simply stood and stared. Then, in slow, calculated movements, he dropped the blaster out of Lisa's reach, and knelt beside her again.

Slowly, Joshua brushed his fingers across her cheek.

"You saved me once," he whispered; his voice low and gentle. "Let me save you."

"You can't." The words slipped out through tightly clenched teeth. "No one can. There's nothing to save."

"There's something," he countered. "I know it. It's why you didn't shoot me when you had the chance. You should have pulled the trigger immediately, but you didn't. Why?"

Lisa couldn't answer. The truth was that she didn't know, and that in and of itself didn't make sense. She was so accustomed to certainty, to black and white. Grey was a foreign concept.

"I know what it feels like," Joshua told her. "I remember the unrestrained loyalty, the blind trust. Wondering how you could have ever doubted your Queen, how you could have ever refused her gift of bliss."

She couldn't speak. Those were the very things she had wondered about Joshua for the past few minutes. The light pressure of his fingertips against her skin flooded her with sensations that were both eerily familiar and completely terrifying.

Carefully, Lisa reached out, mimicking his gesture by pressing the pads of her own fingers to Joshua's cheek. "I don't know how anymore, Joshua."

"My Queen," the words were spoken reverently. "When you've been touched by human emotion it's always in you.

"I…" her voice broke, "I didn't want Anna to hurt you."

And just like that, like a breaking dam, all the emotions too long suppressed by Anna's bliss washed over her in a strong, overwhelming wave.

He grabbed her as she slumped over as if burdened under an invisible weight, pulling her close and holding her tightly. She clung to him, a buoy in her private storm, trying to remember what it felt like to simply feel. Pain gripped her, strong and blinding, but the negative emotion was soon overruled by the joy that filled her.

She cried into his shoulder as he assured her that it was all right now, that it was all going to be all right now. She felt him press a kiss to her temple and suddenly she was hyper-aware of, well, everything: the firmness of his shoulder blades beneath her hands, the slow rhythm of his left hand caressing her back while his right stroked her cheek, the kind, tender tone of his voice.

All the time they'd spent apart hit her full force. She instantly felt the pain of missing him that had been sharply absent since she'd felt Anna's bliss.

"I'm so sorry," she said softly, "I hurt you–"

He silenced her with a long, slow kiss; she shivered, drowning in sensations she couldn't believe she'd forgotten how to feel.

"I'll heal," he told her. "I'm just grateful that you're back."

* * *

Hobbes - naturally - didn't look particularly thrilled when he saw Lisa out of her room and sitting calmly beside Joshua at an impromptu meeting of the leaders of the Fifth Column, but Lisa figured that the day she saw euphoria on his face was the day…well, the sky had already turned red. Perhaps it wasn't that far fetched after all. Thankfully, Hobbes was wise enough to hold his tongue.

Then Erica Evans brought the spur-of-the-moment assembly back to order, quickly filling Lisa in on what she had missed during the past six hours.

Evidently Anna – who had been visiting the Washington D.C. ship when the New York vessel crashed to the ground – had appealed for a cease-fire. More than one of the Visitor's motherships had been blown out of the sky during the Fifth Column strike, and apparently the sudden advancement of human technology had left the Visitors reeling. Or…it  _looked_  as if it had the Visitors reeling. Lisa wouldn't put it past her mother to lure the humans into a false sense of security by claiming that she wanted peace now that the humans had proven themselves a worthy opponent.

The same thought had obviously occurred to Joshua, who was insisting that the continued development of a viable biological weapon was prudent, if not altogether advisable. If the Visitors left, then the disease could be destroyed, if not…they would still have a chance of winning this war.

Father Jack, the most trusting of the group, certainly desired to hope that Anna would pack up her minions and leave, deciding that their planet wasn't worth it.

Erica took the middle ground. Jack's plan – for the visitors to honor their peace talks and leave – was Plan A. Joshua's bio weapon was Plan B.

Lisa listened intently, all the while thinking that a plan C was definitely in order. The likelihood of Plan A succeeding was slim, while Plan B held the potential to kill too many Fifth Column members.

Jack vocalized Lisa's thoughts. "Plan B could hurt innocents."

"I agree," Lisa spoke up for the first time. "Plan B is unwise."

Erica's eyebrows rose. "Do you have a Plan C?"

"Me," Lisa suggested simply.

"No," Joshua countered instantly, shaking his head. "No."

Jack looked confused. "I don't understand."

"She's Anna's daughter," Erica reminded him. "What you're saying is if we could take out Anna…"

"No!" Joshua insisted again. "They think you're  _dead_ , Lisa. In order for what you're suggesting to work you would have to turn right around and prove that you were alive, you would have to go right back to pretending you were on Anna's side all the way up until you stabbed her in the back. It's too dangerous."

"It's an option!" Lisa shouted back, firmly. She wasn't angry, simply emphatic. She had a say in this conversation, and she was  _not_  going to stay still and silent while no one dared to offer up the best plan of all: allowing her to take her rightful place as the V's High Commander.

"At this point, it's an unacceptable one that is likely to get you killed!" Joshua argued, jumping to his feet.

Lisa leapt up as well. "And it is  _my choice_."

Jack and Erica exchanged a weighty glance. Hobbes looked ready to shoot something – but that was his normal facial expression.

"I think maybe we should table this conversation and pick it up again after Lisa's had some rest," Jack suggested mildly.

A nod of Erica's head seemed to serve as a general dismissal for the majority of the group, though Lisa and Joshua stayed.

Once it was only the three of them, Erica didn't even hesitate before stepping forward and wrapping her arms around the girl. "I was worried about you," she murmured. "I'm so glad you're okay."

Thick emotion welled up in Lisa's throat and tears pricked her eyes. Was this what having a mother was supposed to feel like? Warm, safe and protected from any danger?

Erica pulled back and smiled tightly. "Joshua will see that you're settled. We'll talk about the rest of this tomorrow. In the meantime, I want you to think long and hard about this, Lisa. Make sure it's what you want."

Out of the corner of her eye, Lisa saw Joshua nod in agreement.

* * *

"What is this place?" Lisa asked as she followed Joshua through the building. All the windows were boarded up; the floors were made of scuffed and scratched linoleum.

"It's an abandoned Psychiatric hospital," Joshua answered. "This place has been our headquarters for a few months now. Hobbes hates it."

It didn't escape Lisa's notice that most of the humans, while more than willing to bestow polite smiles on Joshua, gave her looks of skepticism and doubt. "They don't know what to think of me, do they?" she whispered as Joshua took her arm and gently guided her into a room.

"They know your face," he explained. "You were a pretty public figure for a while. Everyone knows you're a V; almost everyone's figured out your connection to Anna."

"And you?"

"They know about Ryan and I as well, but we've had time to prove ourselves. Some of them think you're too close to Anna. Don't worry. They'll realize they're wrong soon enough." His hand lingered on her forearm. "This room is currently unoccupied. You can stay here for the time being. I'll see if I can scrounge about and find a cot for you."

Lisa opened her mouth to tell him that he really didn't have to, but he was gone before she could speak.

Fear crept over her, taunting and intimidating. She fell back against the wall. Could she be queen? Did she even want to be? What if she became just like her mother? Cold, calculating and ruthless?

Joshua returned shortly, folded cot cradled in one arm, a pillow in the other.

"Here you go." They worked together to set up the bed. When they finished, Joshua's face softened. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to yell earlier."

"I know," she almost smiled. "I'm sorry as well. I merely wished for you to understand…it  _is_  my decision, Joshua." Nervously, Lisa shifted from one foot to the other. "Are we friends, then?"

"Friends?" he questioned, clearly amused.

"Well," she shrugged, remembering how nice the light flirtation felt. "Are we…whatever we were?"

"Yes," he stepped towards her. "We are."

Lisa sat down on the cot and placed a hand on the space beside her. "Will you stay with me, please?"

He nodded, moving to close the door, and then lay down with her. The cot was small. They both fidgeted for a few minutes, until they finally settled into a conformable position, their bodies spooned together with her back to his chest.

"Joshua," she began hesitantly, anything but eager to begin their small disagreement a second time. "Would you have me abandon my people? Stay here? Leave them to death or worse, life under Anna's oppression?"

He was silent for a moment. "I would have you be  _safe_. I would have you be  _alive_. But I would never have you not be queen unless you wished it."

She rolled over so they faced one another; it wasn't easy on the cramped cot.

Once she settled her body against his, Joshua continued. "I will support you, whatever you choose. I will fight for you, whatever you choose. If you choose to overthrow your mother, I will be by your side the entire time. If you decide to run, I will run. That is…" he suddenly seemed uncertain. "…unless you don't want me to."

"No!" The word few from her mouth before she could stop it. "I…I don't want…that is…I like it when you're with me." She pressed her lips together. "I guess I don't know how to say what I feel all the time."

"Human emotions are, at times, complicated."

Lisa nodded her agreement, scooting in closer and pressing her forehead against his.

"What do you think will happen?" she asked. "The peace talks, the biological weapon…me? Everything feels up in the air."

"Uncontrollable destiny," Joshua mused, "The world spins out of control, moving towards an unknown destination. Anna fought to keep us from thinking of such things.

"Anna kept us from thinking of a lot of things," Lisa agreed, wrapping her arms around her legs. "It's strange…I don't feel like it is as frightening when I'm with you. Uncontrollable, yes. Indeterminable, of course. But not frightening."

"There are many routes the future could take from here. You could replace Anna. The V's could leave and never come back. The humans could wipe out our people; our people could wipe out the humans." He shrugged, "No one really knows for sure. That's why it's uncontrollable. All we can choose is what happens right now."

"And what  _is_  happening, right now?" Something in the atmosphere had changed, and Lisa found it rather difficult to breathe.

Joshua leaned towards her, cupping her chin with his hands. "This, maybe?"

He kissed her again, slowly. Thanks to Tyler, Lisa knew how this moment could escalate. Part of her even wanted it to happen, but exhaustion caused her to pull away. This connection between them would still be there in the morning.

She felt sleep claiming her, but even as she drifted away, she murmured, "You will be here when I wake?"

"I will be here," he answered, dropping a kiss on her forehead affectionately.

* * *

Lisa woke up the next morning to find him sleeping next to her, one arm wrapped around her waist. Slipping out from beneath his arm, she got up quietly and walked to the covered window, peeking through the gaps between the haphazardly placed boards to watch the sun rise – a yellow sphere set against against an otherwise bloody sky.

The sound of footsteps scuffing against the floor told Lisa that Joshua stood behind her. His hands hovered above her shoulders, but he seemed hesitant to touch her until she leaned back against him, closing her eyes.

His hands slid down her sides, settling on her stomach. His chin rested against her shoulder. "I meant what I said before," he whispered against her skin. "Whatever path you choose, I will support you," one finger tenderly turned her face towards him. "My queen, have you come to a decision?"

Her fingers brushed his cheek. "I want to be where you are."

"And I have already told you: I am with you wherever you go." His tone was patient, gentle.

"I do not want to be Queen," she whispered. "And as long as my…as long as Anna is alive I will never be queen. I believe if I returned now…" Lisa sighed. "What you said before was right. If I returned now, she would kill me."

"And if Anna were to perish?" he asked.

"I would not abandon my people," she answered.

He nodded in understanding.

Excitement fluttered in Lisa's midsection as his fingers tenderly brushed her hair away from her face, smoothing back the blonde tendrils. She desired… _something_  more. That anticipation she'd felt with Tyler was humming through her body.

Joshua kissed her; Lisa's toes curled against the hardwood floor.

And that was when she felt it.

Pounding in her heart and skimming through her veins was this emotion, this strong, burning feeling that Lisa didn't know how to deal with. It was overwhelming to the point of suffocation, but it was also the greatest thing in the whole wide world – an addiction she never wanted to shake, a euphoria she never wanted to lose.

She understood the love she felt for Erica as a love shared between a mother and a daughter; she understood the love between Erica and Tyler as the love between a mother and a son. Friendship, Lisa knew, was the love Erica and Hobbes held for each other: a deep respect forged through fighting alongside each other, but always holding the possibility – the potential – for more. She understood the love between Father Jack and Erica as something akin to a brother and sister – though that wasn't  _all_  it was, despite the fact that it seemed Erica and Jack believed that was all it  _could_ be.

Joshua…well, Lisa didn't know how to categorize that love. (Was love even a thing to  _be_  shoved into a category or stuffed in a box?) It was just  _there_  burning and consuming and making her feel complete. Whole.

And undeniably human.

* * *

Over the next few months, Plans A, B, and C converged to form a strategy that actually sounded plausible to Lisa's ears.

While Anna was distracted with the peace talks, the uneasy ceasefire between the Visitors and the Humans kept the fighting to a minimum and provided the Fifth Column with the time they needed for Joshua and a young scientist by the name of Sid to finish working on their biological weapon. Had Anna realized that by initiating the armistice she was essentially digging her own grave, she probably would have simply annihilated the humans outright.

As it was, the Fifth Columns plan to end the war came down to three simple steps. Step one was to release the bio weapon on the V's. Together Joshua and Sid had figured out how to target only the soldiers. The virus could be  _carried_  by humans and Visitors alike, but due to complex differences in their DNA structures, it was only  _lethal_  to Anna's soldiers. Lisa probably shouldn't have found that fact as comforting as she did.

Step two was the careful elimination of Anna. Prior to this event's occurrence, Lisa was found unconscious by Anna's soldiers and brought back to the new NY mothership (which really wasn't  _new_  by the strictest definition of the term; it had simply been relocated) in anticipation of their  _coup d'état_.

Only scant days later, the Visitor High Commander was killed by Fifth Column radicals. Lisa didn't learn until  _much_ later that it was Erica who had carried out the assassination, reaping vengeance for her child's murder by - as Hobbes so eloquently put it - "skinnin' the alien bitch".

Lisa's rightful coronation as Queen was the third and final step.

* * *

The sky was blue again.

Nervously fidgeting with the hemline of her dress, Lisa stared out at the vast expanse of atmosphere, at the swirls of clouds creating intricate patterns across the horizon. Her first act as Queen had been to restore the sky back to its natural color. Her second act had been to announce that the Visitors were leaving – and to promise that they would not return.

"My Queen?" Joshua's tone was soft, reverent. Lisa didn't turn to look at her friend.

"To think…" she whispered, "We came here from somewhere out there." She shook her head sadly. "That place doesn't even feel like home anymore."

"You are sad that we are leaving earth?" Joshua asked, coming to stand beside her. She waited for a moment, but when he didn't make a move to take her hand she took the initiative on her own, winding her fingers through his. On the ground he had been so much more open, more affectionate. Up here on the mothership, he was back to being reserved and cautious, though Lisa often saw the depths of emotion behind his eyes.

Ignoring his question, Lisa finally turned her head to look at him. The emotion that flowed between them was like a sharp current, a strong attraction that Lisa was beginning to believe she would never fully understand.

"I'm scared, Joshua."

"I know." His voice held that soothing, gentle tone, and - for no logical reason she could think of - she felt her knees growing week, like they would soon be unable to keep her on her feet. "I love you, Lisa."

Her mouth fell open, all previous trepidation completely forgotten. Instinctively, her lips pulled up into a bright was curious; she'd never had this pleasant of a reaction to surprise before.

"And I love you," she whispered, barely unable to contain her elation at the knowledge of loving and being loved in return. No wonder the humans valued that particular emotion so highly.

Simultaneously, they stepped towards one another, moving easily into a strong, comforting embrace.

As her eyes closed in contentment, Lisa sighed against his shoulder. What she felt for Joshua was something wonderfully wild: untamable and uncontrollable.

What kept drawing her towards him was the same way.

It was uncontrollable destiny.

 _They_  were uncontrollable destiny.

"My Queen?" Lisa and Joshua pulled apart as one of her advisers entered her chambers. "They're ready for you."

Lisa nodded and strode forward; Joshua followed closely behind.

The guards before her opened the double doors; she stepped over the threshold and cleared her throat, readying herself to address her assembled subjects.

Before she had an opportunity to speak, every one of the Visitors present - with the exception of Joshua and her advisers - dropped to their knees out of respect for their new High Commander.

Lisa swallowed, overwhelmed and - for a long moment - terrified.

The future was always in flux, in motion. Nothing was ever set in stone. Neither Lisa nor Joshua knew if their relationship - new and unorthodox as it was - would even be accepted by their society. In addition, Lisa's absolute refusal to create Bliss would eventually wreak havoc on their way of life.

Yet - in spite of all the uncertainly surrounding her - for the first time in a long time, Lisa actually believed things were going to be all right.

By her side, but respectfully silent now that they were in public, Joshua reached to take her hand.

They shared a weighted glance and a secret smile.

Lisa wasn't scared anymore.

* * *

_End._


End file.
